That Day, on the Timeline

This article assumes some knowledge of the larger context around what "the PDSls dev" said/did on personal accounts, it might be, to you, irrelevant and uninteresting, and honestly, it should be. In which case, you can skip reading this, and go back to doing cool things using PDSls, it's not going anywhere, it will continue to be actively maintained.
I also don't want this to read like a bunch of excuses to my behavior the past few weeks, but this is likely the last thing I'll write before I settle somewhere else, so it's worth reflecting on certain things.

To begin with, I never asked to be "made" into "someone".
When I joined Bluesky in 2023, I did not do any open source work, I was not a developer, I was just a random girl who liked to chat with friends and post nudes.
I'm glad my projects are useful to many, but I never asked to have clout. I never forced any of you to follow my personal accounts, I literally made the PDSls Bluesky account so people didn't have to see the naked pics, the shitposting, and at times, the edgy jokes.
This is a big problem in this space, we have little room to be ourselves, we have to hide with alt accounts, but it's pointless because eventually people find you and anything you say is used against you.
Stop creating a cult of personality around developers.
I'm pretty sure any load bearing open source software at this stage has had contributions by awful people and weirdos but you just don't hear about it.
It is suffocating and it will not help grow a healthy ecosystem.
Let's end the purity test nonsense.

Secondly, I have been unstable, worn thin due to IRL issues, and I feel embarrassed for the ways this has bled into my internet life. I am human. I sometimes cry, panic, take things the wrong way, and have emotional breakdowns, which unlike Neon Genesis Evangelion, don't have cool animation and soundtrack to them, so I get why it's grating to witness.
Would it be weird to expect people to be a bit... understanding of this? Have some patience because I'm struggling through life and I genuinely want to be healthier and more dependable, but it's not easy to maintain on a daily basis. This (community) is all I have, so to anyone who tells me to "take a break", you're basically asking me to stop existing and isolate myself. Granted this has become tempting, I don't feel welcomed anymore.
I will keep my project running, and I don't need to be personally involved with the platform for this. I do care about this protocol and I will not let anyone claim otherwise. I wasn't trying to sabotage anything. I actually did the opposite, I created a tool that generated enthusiasm and helped educate others on this new technology.

Finally, I'm not saying all this because I believe I'm "cancelled" or that I couldn't "redeem" myself. I genuinely should seek opportunities elsewhere. I have waited too long and it was a mistake, because it only made me increasingly more frustrated. I'll work on new projects, I'll be around, not too difficult to find, but I don't want to repeat this unhealthy cycle, and for this, I need to distance myself from what has been causing it.

Good luck ADX.

Juliet