Let’s Try This Again

* image generated with AI *

You know, I’ve been approaching this “blogging” thing the wrong way for quite some time now. For the past, I dunno, 10 years or so, my attempts to keep up a blog never got passed a couple months before I ended up abandoning the idea. Why, though? Why end up starting something I claim I like to do, just to throw it all away at a moments notice?

Possible ADHD aside, I realize now it’s because my brain fizzles out. I’ve always felt like I had to “entertain” people with my writing; give my posts some structure, stick to a topic, do research…like I’m writing a damn college thesis. Actually, I seem to be treating it like creating content on YouTube. I mean no one’s gonna pay attention if you don’t follow trends or be an entertaining figure, right?

This was my mindset on blogging for the longest time. The thing about all that is, that’s not what blogging is about. A person writes a weblog for the sole purpose of sharing a part of themselves to the world. To be genuine. If I really want to entertain folks, I should just become a content creator. But that kind of life sucks (plus I am FAR too old for that kind of shit). Coming up with ideas is exhausting, and it’s honestly not for me, at least not in this format.

You know when I ACTUALLY wrote a blog like a blog? Back in my teenage years when I had a fucking LiveJournal. Remember LiveJournal? Don’t go there nowadays, it’s swimming in Russian spies or some nonsense. Anyway, back then I would basically treat my LJ like I do social media now: just post my thoughts and go. No trying to be “cool,” no pressure. Just emptying my hormone-laden brain onto the internet to help me feel better. And it was great! I don’t know if anyone ever read what I wrote, but it felt good to do. Guess I lost sight of that somewhere. I’m guessing my loneliness made me crave attention, so I want to “try” a bit harder. Little did I know how lazy I was to even fathom doing something as “attempt.” Fuck that noise, I could be gaming.

So no, sad dumpy man in the mirror, I WON’T be giving up on this blog. Not right now, at least. I’m gonna take this shit back to the LiveJournal days, where I use this outlet as my soul’s vomitorium and to not try so hard to impress people. That may not be good enough to gain some kind of following, but I now realize that doing this merely for the sake of a following is the wrong way to do things. From now on, I’m being more authentic whether you dolts like it or not.

Anyway, I hope all this made sense, as I’m just now waking up from a 10-hour shift during mandatory overtime at work and I’m kiiiiinda loopy. If you like what you saw, though, prepare for more.