Like A Sujimon Infinite Degeneracy

Sujimon have taken over my life these past couple months. This jaunty little sidequest in Like A Dragon Infinite Wealth (aka Yakuza 8, for those who hate typing out long-ass titles) seemed like a dumb thing to get into at first. As I kept truckin' on, though, not only did I see the benefits of "capturing" and befriending these lunatic assholes in game, I actually got lost in the charm of the whole Sujimon thing and ended up finishing the big sidequest from start to finish, and even still dabbling in it after it's all over. These collectable freaks and wierdos became "my boys" after a while, and I couldn't be prouder of their accomplishments.

So let's back up a bit: what the fuck is a Sujimon? Long story short, it's Pokemon, but with degenerate men.

Still confused? Okay, short story long...

Back in Yakuza: Like a Dragon (ugh...or Yakuza 7, if you'd like), you eventually meet up with this strange man, Morikasa, who claims to be a "Sujimon Professor." Sujimon are the enemies you face in battles throughout the main story. You know, all the pissed-off drunks and dudes dressed as beach balls you pummel in turn-based combat. Morikasa tasks our main man Ichiban Kasuga to find and chronicle every single Sujimon he comes across in Yokohama in what he calls a Sujimon Dossier. Which is NOT a "SujiDex," okay? OKAY?? It's DIFFERENT. Though it's really not. Anyway, you fight all the wacky enemies in the game and record them in the Dossier and...something happens. I don't know, I never really got into it. Maintaining some kind of degenerate beastiary didn't really interest me that much during my time in Yakuza 7.

Then Yakuza 8 came around, took the obvious jab at Pokemon and took it a few steps further. Now, just like any other monster-training game, you can actually train, level up, and battle with Sujimon with other trainers littered around Hawaii. Not only that, but there's now a Sujimon League, complete with a "Discreet Four" you have to defeat. There's way more jabs at Pokemon in the narrative throughout the adventure, which shows that at least the people who localized the English script to the game were fans and knew how to have fun. The Sujimon thing didn't really impress me in the last game and I didn't exactly warm up to it right away in this one, but even I had to admit that the silly Pokemon jokes were pretty funny.

Fun Fact: "Sujimon" in the English localization stands for "Super Jittery Man," as in a wierdo you see that makes you jittery or makes your skin crawl when you see them. That's cute, but I wish I knew what the meaning was in the original Japanese. "Suji" apparently means "muscle" in some instances, so maybe you're befriending "muscle men" in the OG script. A lot of Sujimon ARE pretty buff...

I didn't go for the Sujimon quest whole-hog until I was getting into Yakuza 8's other huge-ass sidequest: Dondoko Island. It's a casual life/tycoon sim where you build your own island with furniture and crap and invite guests over to spend their cash. That's a post all its own, but think of it as a mix of Animal Crossing, Harvest Moon, and...I dunno, some other game where you make money. Much like the business management minigame in Yakuza 7, Dondoko Island is Yakuza 8's main way of making money for your main quest, and spending money is a BIG thing in Yakuza games. I ended up unlocking Dondoko Farm during my playtime, where you can assign Sujimon you've befreinded in the main game to collect resources and money for Dondoko shit. In my quest for infinite wealth (🤓), it finally seemed like getting into Sujimon was worth it.

Thus starting my obsession.

Finding Sujimon in Hawaii, leveling them up, awakening them by feeding them other Sujimon (which is a thing, don't think too much into it), and raising their friendship levels to improve their productivity on Dondoko Farm...it all became such an addictive gameplay loop that took up a lot of my play time. My latest Yakuza 7 run took me about 70 hours to reach the end, but in Yakuza 8, Steam has me clocked in at around 96 hours as of this writing...and I've only just now reached the midway point. A vast majority of that time was spent on Sujimon and Dondoko Island. I simply couldn't stop.

So what's so great about Sujimon that got me so addicted? Well, aside from them helping the numbers in my wallet get bigger, you can evolve and battle with them in the Sujimon League side story. The story itself is really fun and totally worth getting into, though the battle system itself isn't super deep. Sure, you'll have to strategize in later battles, but this is not competetive Pokemon. It's a basic rock-papper-sissors battle game that isn't too engrossing. So if the battling isn't all that deep, why get into it? The character designs, man. There are so many freaks in this goddamn game and a lot of them have so much charm in their designs. You got the fat dudes who walk around with cola bottles as swords and pizzas as shields, and you can make them evolve into even fatter dudes with burger hats and beef patty shields. You got super hairy shirtless men that turn into litteral werewolves (or they at least THINK they're werewolves). You even got more simple ones, where a no-good punk who pummels you with a steel pipe can transform into a legit crime boss who uses a Tommy gun. One of the standout Sujimon are the Metapod analogs, Squirmworms. These are lazy bums who never leave their green sleeping bags; they even hop around in them to get around town. They don't evolve into Butterfree, though. They just change the color of their sleeping bags and get a new eye mask. Plus they vomit a lot...

Another cool aspect of Sujimon that can actually help in the main game is the Sujimancer job. This exclusive job class for Kasuga allows you to use the Sujimon you've collected and trained in actual battles during the main story. You summon their sorry asses from the shadow realm (I'm assuming it's not the Yu-Gi-Oh one) to perform magic spells depending on their type. Blaze types cause fire damage, Light types do electric, and so on. It's a really fun job to play as, but it's very MP heavy, which is something Kasuga isn't super prevalent in, at least not how I played. Still, it was great to use while I was balls deep in Sujimon anyway.

My favorite Sujimon during my playthrough was Lokela, a Pyromaniac I somehow stumbled across. Didn't think much of him at first, but he ended up proving himself by being one of the more stronger Sujimon in the game. Plus, if I'm being honest, I just love his design. He's got that purple/green color scheme, my second favorite color scheme of all time. Plus I love his idle animation while in battle; he does this cool hip hop tap-step dance while he waits to shower his enemies with spray can flames. He's just a buff guy with stupid hair and gaudy jewlery and possibly an addiction to pain fumes, and he's not even the strongest Light type in the game, but DAMMIT I love him. I love all my Sujimon, but Lokela is definitely the one closest to my heart.

My time with Sujimon is over now, though. I got a great stash of cash from Dondoko saved up, and I've finished the Sujimon side quest and got an awesome Hero job weapon as a reward, so I'm no longer a Sujimancer. Maybe I could go back to the game and finish up my Sujimon Dossier, evolve more of these bastards, and enjoy a nice retirement on Dondoko Farm. But maybe at a much later date. Like I said earlier, I'm already nearly 100 hours into Yakuza 8, and as much as I love this game, I would like to play something else pretty soon. Regardless, my time spend with my Sujimon will always be remembered fondly. I hope to see these dipshits again if Yakuza 9 ever becomes a thing...or maybe RGG Studios will make a standalone Sujimon game. They can do it! Just do what Palworld did, only not total shit! I'd play the hell out of that!

Anyway, remember to love your Sujimon, feed them their gross Sujimunch, and take them to Sujiworld once you become Sujimon Master. They grow Dondoko Nuts and take shanks to the gut for you, so they deserve the best.