Beaster Day (2014)
Several people pretending to act in a "movie" are slaughtered by one of the worst excuses for a monster I've ever seen.
Good lordy lord.
I wanted to do something a little bit Easter themed for this special time of year and for some reason I wasted 1 hour 23 minutes of my life on... this...? Going in it's labelled a "Horror/Comedy" which is a fucking paradox because it fails to be neither scary, nor funny.
I mean, I get the joke. Well, sorta. It's clear it was shot on a budget of about $10 with the sole intention being to make a shit movie. And, well, I guess by that measurement it was a success, so congratulations. But if you squeeze out a steamy log into the toilet bowl and call it art, it's still gonna have a repulsive odur.
I think what angers me most is that there are some clear elements of movie production that have gone into this: the cinematography was decent, the soundtrack was... well there was a soundtrack. And somebody took the time to hastily and chopily edit it. And for what? It's like taking the time to craft an adequately presentable apple pie only to have it splattered against a brick wall shortly after.
The bunny was ridiculous. Some kind of weird, ugly puppet with unnatural body movements, resized and super imposed on top of the scene.
Several moments of this movie featured women with their boobs, or more, out. A tactic I assume deployed to get you to keep watching.
You would have to be on some kind of experimental heavy medication, or have suffered some kind of horrific brain injury - I think - to maybe even feel adequately satisfied after having watched this. And just so it's clear; I say that as somebody who has watched Manos The Hands of Fate and Robot Monster. Both absolutely dreadful movies. So this isn't the opinion of some high-brow movie critic right here.
There was once a time when I blogged about the worst movies ever made. Hence why I watched the aforementioned. And this movie wouldn't have been out of place amongst some of them. Just one of the worst excuses for a something I've ever watched.
No stars.
